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01 April 2010 @ 01:00 am
Something for the Pain - Ruki x Aoi - 2/?  
Title: Something for the Pain
Chapter: 2/?
Author: simply_emotion @ glamourvette
Genre: Angst | Drama | Romance
Rating: R
Bands: The Gazette
Pairing: Ruki x Aoi
Warnings: Language
Summary: It was late and the sky was pouring. I was drifting in and out of sleep in the passenger seat, listening to the annoying sound of those two bickering— and then I wasn’t.

Chapter One

Something for the Pain
Chapter Two: The Hurt
Ruki x Aoi

I laid in bed for four days, asking to see Aoi.

There was always an excuse as to why I couldn't.

Aoi was resting. He was in surgery. His doctors were seeing him. His parents were currently with him. Visiting hours were over.


You're not strong enough to see him yet. You can't be moved. You should be resting.

No one would tell me anything. Whenever I asked about him, they changed the subject. They either didn't know or they couldn't tell me. It became annoying after the second day.

I just wanted to see him. What was so difficult about that?

I don’t know why I cared so much. Me and Aoi had never been especially close. Yeah, we were in the same band. We saw eachother everyday. But we weren't the type to be overly friendly. He kept to his side and I kept to mine. We had little in common and our personalities weren't exactly compatible. As in, we got along well enough but we didn't exactly have much to talk about. You didn't see me inviting him out for drinks and you didn't see him going out of his way to hang around me.

But everyone was being so damn sullen and secretive, that I was beginning to conjure up some pretty morbid ideas as to his state of well being. Never mind that Aoi had never been my favorite person on the planet, he didn't deserve any of the scenarios playing out in my head.

So for four days I wasted my breath. I got the doctor-patient confidentiality crap from the nurses doctors. I expect as much out of them. But I wasn’t expecting it from my band-mates.

They had all seen him and talked to him. They knew what his condition was. They just didn't want to tell me.

Kai was the worst. He skirted around the issue with a mastery that would have impressed me if it was any other situation. I knew he was just trying to protect me in his own loving, but completely unnecessary, way. He seemed to think I was too fragile to handle the truth, and I really wish I knew where he had come up with that poor misconception.

I had just been thrown through a windshield and was living to tell about it, wasn’t I?

Then there was the case of Uruha. Him, I really wanted to kill. I had never noticed how much of a chronic liar he was, until now. Whenever I asked him about Aoi, he would give me this awkward half laugh and forced smile. He would tell me Aoi was fine and there was nothing to worry about, and I knew that wasn't true. If it was, he would have been able to tell me exactly what Aoi's condition was, which he couldn't.

Lastly, there came Reita. I just wanted to hurt him. Mostly because I had been laying in bed for days, I had tubes where tubes should never be, I was bored, and frustrated, and worried, and I was having very profound delusions of Aoi being in a coma without arms or legs, awaiting a heart and lung transplant, and... I just didn’t know.


On the fifth day, just after my morning check up, Aoi himself walked into my room.

Just walked right in.

I thought I was dreaming at first. Wasn’t he supposed to be limbless and in a coma or something? It seemed real though, and Aoi looked relatively intact. Not fine like Uruha had said—— but intact and not nearly as bad off as Kai and everyone else had been making it sound.

Aoi’s face was bruised on one side and his right eye was covered in a gauze patch. His teeth looked fine when he flashed me that awkward smile of his, but his bottom lip was swollen and appeared to have been busted. His head was wrapped up in bandages, and it took me a moment to realize his head had been shaved. It still looked like Aoi, but I couldn't help but stare.

I couldn't imagine Aoi without his hair.

Aside from that, his right arm was bandaged in several places. He had a slight limp, but he was still walking and breathing and living. So what exactly had I been panicking about the last few days? I was infinitely worse off than he. I mean, I couldn't even walk and here he was, wandering around and...

Then I noticed it.

Aoi sat down in the chair next to my bed. Nothing flashy. But as he sat down, I saw something I really wish I hadn’t.

His left arm didn't move. At all. It just hung there, limp, like it wasn't even a part of his body. Then, with his right hand, Aoi moved his left arm and put it in his lap. Just like that. Dead weight to be carried around.

"What the hell?" was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

Not my most sensitive moment ever. But I need to know.

All he did was look at me with this spooky look on his face, half smiling, like he didn’t know what to say.

“You... I...You... What happened?” I asked, knowing full well I sounded stupid. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Aoi said gently. “But I think you’re going to need to find a new guitarist.”


Superficial lacerations to the right arm. Possible blindness in his right eye due to glass and blunt trauma.

Brain damage. Complete paralysis of the left arm. Weakness in the right arm and left leg. With physical therapy, he might regain complete function of his right arm and left leg. The doctors said it was unlikely he would be able to move his left arm again.


“He wanted to tell you himself,” Kai was saying.

I wasn’t listening. I was laying there, staring angrily at the ceiling.

I didn’t know what I was mad about, to be honest. It was probably my own fragility, but I was no where close to admitting that.

Kai had been right in hiding this from me.

I couldn’t handle it.

I wish Aoi hadn’t come to me. I wish he hadn't told me. I wish I was still ignorant. I wish it was still yesterday. I wish I didn’t have to deal any of it. I wish none of this had happened at all.

I felt so cold, so sad and miserable, and all I could think about was Aoi’s damn smile and the way he so carefully told me he wouldn’t be able to play his guitar anymore.

Why the hell did I care so much?


Aoi only visited me when visiting hours at the hospital were over. I guess he didn’t like it when everyone else was around— and someone else was always around. Our managers, band-mates, label mates, staff, personal friends, family, and even our recording and stage crew came and hung out whenever they could.

They always brought stuff with them, too. Cards, flowers, stuffed animals, fruit baskets, boxes of sweets, food in general, movies, games, and pretty much anything you could think to bring someone in a hospital. I even got a fancy pair of silk pajamas out of it. Not that I could wear them right now.

I imagine everyone wanted to show us support by letting us know that they cared or something like that. It’s the thought that counts, but I really don’t think they had any idea how tiring their presence could be.

Still, when he should have been resting, Aoi came to visit me. He’d sit in his usual chair by my bed and he would smile and talk to me— and it drove me absolutely crazy.

Aoi is that kind of guy. The kind of guy who wants to be friends with everyone and everything, but ends up being a complete annoyance instead. I couldn’t stand his cheerfulness most of the time, and now it was almost unbearable.

I couldn’t fathom why on earth he would be smiling. He would never play guitar again. The one thing I knew he loved most in the world had just been taken from him— and he was smiling.

“Why are you smiling?” I asked him bitterly one day, and I really wish I hadn’t.

“Because it’s all I have left.”


Notes: I'm retarded when it comes to medical stuff and I have done zero research for this story. Unless you consider watching Grey's Anatomy, House MD and various other medical dramas as a valid source of knowledge, don't expect too much realistic accuracy from this story.

This story is proving how pathetic of a grasp I have on Ruki's personality. :D
insurrectioninner_demons_ on April 1st, 2010 06:09 am (UTC)
Omg you )8
simply_emotionsimply_emotion on April 1st, 2010 06:14 am (UTC)
D: Whaaat?
Jeannettegaussianblur89 on April 1st, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Nnnnnngggggaaaaaaaaaaah~~~~ DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
No. This is wrong.

(beautifully written tho.)
Cherryblobbeh on April 1st, 2010 09:03 pm (UTC)
F. The last line, killed me. Like, took out my heart mushed it around for a while and stuffed it back in.

Your writing is beautiful dkjlad /make incoherent sounds <33
「ナオ子」♪: Smiling Angelathenstorm on April 2nd, 2010 12:50 am (UTC)
I'm having a dèja-vú with this story... Have you posted it somewhere before? Or is it just a silly illusion of mine?

Even though this kind of things really tear me apart, I love them, even more so if they're this well written. So please continue! I want to know the rest.
simply_emotionsimply_emotion on April 2nd, 2010 01:04 am (UTC)
Hmm, I just finished this chapter last night, so I doubt it's been posted anywhere before. Although it's entirely possible someone else has written a similar fic before. I wouldn't really know 'cause I don't read fanfiction.

Off subject, but your Shou icon is gorgeous. What's it from?
「ナオ子」♪: city of angelsathenstorm on April 2nd, 2010 02:01 am (UTC)
Ah, don't worry, things like this ('I've seen this before...') happen to all of us, all the time.

Thank you! It's a screencap from their live DVD, 'Discotheque...'
drunkelnattdrunkelnatt on April 2nd, 2010 06:32 am (UTC)
I'm trying to read this from... a very detached place, but it must be the 1st POV thing affecting me. It's disturbing for Aoi to force himself to smile because seriously, I believe he'd do something drastic one day. Like jump off a building or whatever.

I'll continue reading this though, because it's good like that.
naeemcho on April 2nd, 2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
Bawwww T_T
simply_emotionsimply_emotion on April 2nd, 2010 05:06 pm (UTC)
purity_of_soulpurity_of_soul on April 2nd, 2010 05:17 pm (UTC)
Fuck fuck fuck! AAAAAA i effing fucking hate you~~~~~ AAAAAAAAAAA

oAo why?? why do you have to be cruel to Aoi??!!! AAAA

-end of sudden outburst-


i love how this went . it makes me wanna scream out to Aoi TT___TT
221_B: Aoi.take.my<3nandedattebayo on April 3rd, 2010 12:17 pm (UTC)
I like the saddest part of it </3 dunno why ;-; *cookies*
Nokutetsunokutetsu on April 3rd, 2010 06:09 pm (UTC)
I'm obsessed with this fic like a fat kid loves cake I:


さやかfa_ying on April 6th, 2010 11:50 am (UTC)
i liked this a lot
thank you for the musical underlining
keep up!
Kikiii. ♥: ☆ Kai 2expelofsorrow on April 10th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
That was so... D:
I felt my heart got ripped out.
Baucibauci on June 20th, 2010 06:08 pm (UTC)
I adore your characters here. Ruki is wicked even with tubes, I like how he's not broken like his ribs XD. I hope you haven't abandoned this. I felt like reading this pairing today and this was a very nice find, even though the first chapter made me cringe so bad. They have an interesting dynamic, it intrigues me how you will make it work.
Kikiii. ♥candykiseki on December 16th, 2010 08:01 pm (UTC)
I love this fic. Are you still going to update it?
simply_emotionsimply_emotion on December 17th, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
Haha, I might. To be honest, I forgot about it until now. u.u;