Pairings: Yunho x Jaejoong.
Synopsis: He feels sick when he looks into the mirror at night. He doesn’t know why - maybe he just doesn’t like what he sees. It’s hard to wear the mask everyone paints on your face and still feel authentic at the end of the day. It’s too perfect, too deceiving. After a while, it begins to feel like lying.
|The Space of Years|
Yunho x Jaejoong
He feels sick when he looks into the mirror at night. He doesn’t know why - maybe he just doesn’t like what he sees. It’s hard to wear the mask everyone paints on your face and still feel authentic at the end of the day. It’s too perfect, too deceiving. After a while, it begins to feel like lying.
Feels like lying because he’s deluded himself into believing it’s actually okay.
So he swallows the day down and hangs on to his hope that he will feel better in the morning. Two hours of sleep might just make it all go away. Might just wash him of this sin.
He doesn’t feel better in the morning. He never does and he never holds it against himself. Whatever gets him through the night is what gets him through the day.
With weary eyes and weary mind, he goes on, living up to every standard that is set in front of him. It’s all he knows how to do anymore, and it’s all anyone expects of him.
Never mind he used to be his own person once.
A storm is raging in the middle of the night and the two of them are the only ones awake to hear it.
Jaejoong is sitting on the edge of Yunho’s bed, tangled in a fray of sheets and drowning in the bitter sweet sensation of the last cigarette fading between his lips. There’s clothes all over the floor and it’s too late to wonder why the hell he’s here again.
He knows why. This is just the one thing he enjoys pretending otherwise.
Yunho’s only inches away - a beautiful image of something close to perfection rotting away in deception - and it’s too bad Jaejoong doesn’t feel a damn thing for him anymore. He might have laid down and gone to sleep at his side. Or he might have just pitied him.
But tonight it’s Yunho telling him not to smoke in his room, and it’s Jaejoong gathering up his things and shutting the door behind him as he leaves.
No hard feelings.
No feelings at all.
Jaejoong begins to break. Slowly. Steadily. A piece here and a piece there. It’s too subtle for anyone to notice, but it’s happening. He can feel it each time something goes missing, never to be found again.
He snaps one day and it’s all chalked up to stress and no sleep.
And maybe that is part of it, but the whole of it was lost somewhere along the line when he sold his soul to a million faces he didn’t know and never would know.
Never wanted to know.
Somewhere along the line he has to admit he hates them all.
There’s blood on Yunho’s shirt and he’s dabbing at his bottom lip. Five minutes ago Jaejoong busted it with a sharp left hand to the face, and now he’s watching his band-mate clean up the aftermath of his rage.
“What’s your problem?” Yunho asks.
But he doesn’t get an answer. Jaejoong has many problems and he has no intention of sharing them.
Yunho is angry and he’s trying not to be. He’s playing the ever gentle and fair leader even when no one is watching. It’s bad acting and Jaejoong has told him so on many occasions.
It’s never made a difference.
The role Yunho has been given is too much apart of him now. It’s the blood in his veins and the air that he breathes - the new persona that he lives. Forget how he used to be.
Jaejoong already said his silent goodbyes to the true Yunho a long time ago. But sometimes Jaejoong misses him - the real him.
And that makes him angry.
It reminds him of how he used to be himself.
Notes: I should not be allowed to write Yunjae. -_- I ruined them.